Monday, 17 February 2014

Some non-wow "non minor" issues with ERP HR implementation

Implementation of ERP HR is worse than a migraine

To: Gloria, SVP HR
From: Hugh White, Diversity
How do I do data entry for Thiri, our employee with one name? 
If we don't find a way, we cannot pay him/her. YOU will find yourself in court. As a Canadian, you can be deported.

To: Gloria, SVP HR

From: CEO Stan
CC: Chairman Ed
Speed up ERP HR implementation. Why are you dragging your feet, young lady? Just get it done.

To: Carl Marks, VP R&D
From: Cynthia Axe, Early Bird Retirement
CC: Gloria Ramsbottom, EVP HR
CC: CEO Stan

Comrade Carl,

1)Does Anatoli spell his name with an I or a Y.
2) Is Jie a male or a female? Is this name with or without an E. I can see a Ji and Jie. Same person?
3) Is Scotland in Europe?
4) Is Yves a male? 
5) How do I enter the accents on some of the European names?
6) Is Claude a female?
7) How do I enter Ania from Warsaw into the data base; her last name has 48 letters? (You told me once that Warsaw is in Europe)
8) Maria from Spain has 8 last names. Which one do i use? She demands we use all names, and she is supported by that weirdo Hugh White from Diversity, (who appears to have the hots for Chairman Ed's new secretary.)
C Axe

To: Gloria, EVP HR
From: Cynthia Axe, Early Bird Retirement

I have so many "fields" to fill out that I can only fire one person a day. Yesterday, I thought I had fired two people, but when I pressed "enter", they were promoted to VP, and each got a new Blackberry Q 30.
C Axe

To: Gloria, EVP HR

From: Winston Wu (external)
CC: Stan, Chairman Ed, all directors
Ms Ramsbottom-Lemieux,
You are failing in ERP HR implementation. Do you want me to "lend you a helping hand"?
Dr. Winston Wu
ERP Coordinator
Wu & Sons

To: Winston Wu
From: Gloria SVP HR
CC: all +directors

My Dear Winston Wu,

Thanks for your patience. A certain Ms Cynthia Axe and (heterosexual Diversity chief) Hugh White are a bit negligent. I will put them on corrective action.
All will be "even better" in 24 hours.

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