Some non-wow "non minor" issues with ERP HR implementation

Implementation of ERP HR is worse than a migraine

To: Gloria, SVP HR

From: Hugh White, Diversity

Gloria,

How do I do data entry for Thiri, our employee with one name? 

If we don't find a way, we cannot pay him/her. YOU will find yourself in court. As a Canadian, you can be deported.

Hugh

.....

To: Gloria, SVP HR

From: CEO Stan

CC: Chairman Ed

Gloria,

Speed up ERP HR implementation. Why are you dragging your feet, young lady? Just get it done.

Stan

.....

To: Carl Marks, VP R&D

From: Cynthia Axe, Early Bird Retirement

CC: Gloria Ramsbottom, EVP HR

CC: CEO Stan

Comrade Carl,

1)Does Anatoli spell his name with an I or a Y.

2) Is Jie a male or a female? Is this name with or without an E. I can see a Ji and Jie. Same person?

3) Is Scotland in Europe?

4) Is Yves a male? 

5) How do I enter the accents on some of the European names?

6) Is Claude a female?

7) How do I enter Ania from Warsaw into the data base; her last name has 48 letters? (You told me once that Warsaw is in Europe)

8) Maria from Spain has 8 last names. Which one do i use? She demands we use all names, and she is supported by that weirdo Hugh White from Diversity, (who appears to have the hots for Chairman Ed's new secretary.)

C Axe

.....

To: Gloria, EVP HR

From: Cynthia Axe, Early Bird Retirement

Gloria,

I have so many "fields" to fill out that I can only fire one person a day. Yesterday, I thought I had fired two people, but when I pressed "enter", they were promoted to VP, and each got a new Blackberry Q 30.

C Axe

.....

To: Gloria, EVP HR

From: Winston Wu (external)

CC: Stan, Chairman Ed, all directors
Ms Ramsbottom-Lemieux,

You are failing in ERP HR implementation. Do you want me to "lend you a helping hand"?

Dr. Winston Wu

ERP Coordinator

Wu & Sons

.....

To: Winston Wu

From: Gloria SVP HR

CC: all +directors

My Dear Winston Wu,

Thanks for your patience. A certain Ms Cynthia Axe and (heterosexual Diversity chief) Hugh White are a bit negligent. I will put them on corrective action.

All will be "even better" in 24 hours.

Gloria