Our management meeting on Friday night was a political food fight; I can describe it as "almost non wow".
Who needs HR?
Comrade Carl Marks, R&D Chief raised an issue which was not on the agenda. In rambling and non-focused way, Comrade Carl derailed the management onto a side issue: let's decide what we want from HR!
Comrade Carl spoke for an hour. During his rambling talk, Stan was texting and chatting by Whats-app, Line, BBM and Google Talk. Chairman Ed was more attentive to Comrade Carl, yet appeared to nod off to sleep at times. The Head of Sales was hiding in the toilet and other team members were doing emails and texts on their Blackberry Privs.
Comrade Carl said that IT and Legal will "dismember" HR in a few years and then, "all we will need are a few secretaries to press "enter".
Comrade Carl said that ERP HR should be "migrated" to IT immediately, whilst HR legal issues should be outsourced to a cost effective vendor in the Canary Islands.
Comrade Carl then suggested that managers should hire and fire as per budget with no HR involvement.
Finally Carl added: when all this happens, who the f--k needs HR yob tvouy mat. Carl often uses this explicative, and no one understands him except a few Russians. (We have 7800 Russian engineers in our company)
CEO Stan, who was supposed to have focused the meeting on budget restraint, summed it up saying: "Glo, what do you have to say here. Comrade Carl has quite a different "take" on HR than you do. Please address his issues next week."
My political strategy is clear. This week, I will do a morale survey by text and bombard our management team with bigdata about how Comrade Carl's team in falling apart.
|This week, I will do a morale survey in R&D|
You can follow me @GRamsbottom