Monday, 10 February 2014

Head of HR and Head of Engineering have an "image exchange"

Comrade Carl: I have some positive feedback for HR manager Gloria Lemieux.

Comrade Carl Marks, the VP of R&D upon whom we all rely to ensure that 2019 is a wow year, has yet to "spec" our new wow product. To me, Carl appears impractical; he dithers, stalls, hems and haws.  Unlike HR, in R&D nothing seems to move forward, yet Comrade Carl is ever so positive about the future. 

Comrade Marks did however succeed in accomplishing one thing this last quarter: to impregnate Carla, the daughter of our CEO Stan, who is now living with Carl. (This fact is classified as big data.)

And that lecher, Comrade Carl Marks, does have the respect of Chairman of the Board Ed Maplewood-Montpetit due to a reason I am unable to ascertain. It may have to do that Carl and Ed's wife studied Engineering and Marxism in Moscow. (Carl was born in North Dakota).

The comrade does have a strong informal network, of which I am not a member because I do not drink, as I am a control freak.

To show you how power Carl's network is, I am sharing an email  that Carl sent me, in alignment with my core value of "feigned transparency".

Dear Gloria,

I sat at the bar with some of my staff (Igor, Igor, Igor, Igor, Moshe and Sanjay), Chairman Ed, a few blokes from Supply Chain, Stan's Chef K Ray Beauregard-Goldstein and Cynthia Axe, your lovely down-sizer, who joined us to keep abreast about what is really going on.

We were all in a jocund mood; do you know what that j  word means, girl?

After a few drinks, there was end to end agreement that HR is one of the "weaker links" in our company. The root cause of this weakness appears to be a lack of leadership on your part and excessive hero worship of Stan. This makes HR into a "mindless cheerleader".

Even Stan's daughter Carla tells me "Dad is not the man that sycophant Canadian girl Gloria thinks he is". 
So take this as well intentioned 360 degree feedback, and in the spirit of improving teamwork between us.
Comrade Carl 

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