A vile (and heinous) text was circulated today by text, Whatsapp, BBM, Yahoo Messenger, email and Google Talk to all employees in our company except me. The message was signed by R&D Chief Comrade Carl Marks. The name of the message was : Big Data-blockchain based.
Even the folks in Supply Chain stopped squeezing vendors to read it.
How did I find out what was written in this text?
I wandered by the desk of heterosexual Hugh White, the white boy who runs Diversity and "noticed" the following text message on his phone.
The text read: "Gloria has been denied a visa to Saudi Arabia, and no one knows why-perhaps Gloria is not aligned with our core value of transparency. This is big data. Has Gloria been inciting the ladies of Saudia to drive? Is Gloria an Iranian mole? Is she a member of the Mossad?"
I detest communication which is almost not accurate, especially if it is blockchain based.. This Saudi whole affair has been taken out of context, as it were.
I consulted my coach, who also deals in faith healing and pumps gas. And he wanted me to put things straight, so here we go.
1) There was a time when I was interested in Womens` Rights, (before I became an HR business partner and subsequently noticed that pregnancies interfere with meeting wow wow wow stretch goals.)
2) When I was studying in Secretaries Academy (in Montreal), the Saudi ambassador did come and visit the Academy. At the time, I was co-Chairwoman of ``Liberté pour les femmes saoudiennes`` (Freedom for Saudi Women). I did not have an opinion about women drivers, then or now.
3) I was indeed chosen to greet the ambassador when he visited (I am from English Canada, but I speak French and I also know a few words in Arabic, which my Dad taught me.)
Dad served in the Mid East in the R.C.A.F (Royal Canadian Air Force).
4) I may have misunderstood the meaning of a few of the Arabic phrases Dad taught me, when I addressed the Minister.
5) As the first lady of HR, I am fully globally compliant; I know that Saudi Arabia does not welcome certain ethnicities with open arms, but I am not Jewish. (I do however like bagels and cream cheese for breakfast).
6) I have now spruced up my Arabic in a short webinar; were I to meet the ambassador again, I probably would rephrase a bit of what I said. Or more than a bit, perhaps.
7) I will reapply for a visa and dress appropriately, in line with my core value of building a power base globally. And I won't drive. I will hire a driver from Pakistan or Nepal.