Haute Cuisine-That's French
CEO Stan texted me today: "We have 3 problem areas; fix them in a week. Stan"
The areas Stan wanted me to fix are-
1) Senior Management Team: verbal abuse between all members of the team and lack of respect for CEO Stan.
2) Sales and R&D: fire bombing and "necklacing" between the groups.
3) The HR team: lack of popularity, especially due to the Head of Early Bird Retirement, Ms Cynthia Axe.
As HR Business Partner, I have an ability to start to solve all issues within 15 seconds of getting a text message. Here is what I did!
I had a breakfast meeting with K Ray Beauregard-Goldstein (Stan's chef) for breakfast. He prepared "oeufs pochés" (poached eggs) and some left over lasagna. I asked for a croissant and K Ray obliged. He buttered it for me.
I mentioned to K Ray that the plan helps him to become a profit centre, pronto. That's not French.
K Ray and I will launch a 5 Minute master-chef cooking course for each of the 3 problem groups.
K Ray will teach the cooking, and I will facilitate the "transfer of training".
The expected "take-aways" are:
- Senior management will cook pizzas to throw at one another.
- Sales and R&D will cook baked beans, so they will stay away from one another.
- HR will cook apple pie and hand it out to all employee who send a "text of praise" about HR to Stan.
Supply Chain will work on internal transfer pricing, so that both K Ray and HR are sustainable profit centres.
HR's has a policy of vendor-free Organizational Development. So, HR will deal with all problems single handedly, in line with our core values of self reliance geared to survival.