Etiquette-the new HR Ticket
The myopic Ms Cynthia Axe, initiated a program whereby employees fire one another instead of this task being routed via HR.
The results of this plan are a semi wow, and have included long email threads with finger-pointing, 2 fist fights, and a mild innocuous car bomb threat.
In the last 24 hours, HR has decided on "upgrading the level of etiquette" in our company. (Etiquette is French). I involved Hugh White in "Operation Etiquette". Hugh is the white heterosexual lad who heads Diversity.
We issues the NEG (new etiquette guidelines), which were sent to all our staff by text, WhatsApp, Viber and BBM. Voila:
1) Vendors must grovel when talking to staff from Supply Chain.
2) From now on, HR will be referred to as HR business partner. Pejoratives are discouraged.
3) When arguing, speak English with a British accent to remain civil.
4) When referring to Cynthia, "the right honourable Ms Axe" is to be used.
5) I am to be referred to as Gloria, ma'am. The French can call me Mme Lemieux. Chief People Officer is also fine.
6) A meeting with CEO Stan or with me is to be referred to as an "audience".