Treating the people we fire as our clients

My dad would have said, "Glo, this is pure bullshit"

Wifey, the hyperactive magazine-reading addict wife of our CEO Stan, read an article stating that "unless companies treat their employees as customers, failure is certain". (My late dad, Pierre Elliot Ramsbottom, believed that you first need to treat your customers as customers).

Wifey is convinced that her CEO husband Stan is failing, and so she took this very article, and sent it to me, accompanied by a text message: 

"Gloria, please distribute this to all without Stan knowing; I want  it to be seen as your initiative. Do it today, in a timely fashion. Wifey".

Wifey then invited Ms Cynthia Axe, Head of our Involuntary Early Bird Retirement Plan to tea. Wifey told Axe (Cynthia) that "firing all these people is giving Stanley a bad name; at least fire these people as your clients".

After this "tea party", a  confused Ms Axe (Cynthia) then texted me: 

"Gloria, I'm confused, Cynthia."

I consulted my own coach by phone because he was at his part time job flipping burgers, and Coachy and I  worked out the following plan:

1) Axe will get a new job title "Head of the Involuntary Early Bird Retirement Plan and Employee Relationship Manager".

2) Axe will get a coach which will enable her to treat all people as clients. (The coach should know some English and be located in a "civil" location.)

3) A voice enabled customer service desk may be opened, to deal with "client-like issues from coming from our beloved employees". (the service will available in English, not Russian, Quebec French, Hebrew, Tamil or Scotch).

4) Cynthia will be re educated in our core values, after we update them this week.

You can follow me on Twitter @GRamsbottom.