Monday, 2 December 2013

A short guide on how to position yourself as an HR business partner without puckering up

How to be-like me

1) Update your core values weekly, using web based technologies to download these values to all staff's mobile phones.

2) When told to downsize 40% of the workforce, ask: "by text or face to face?"

3) Use the term "global", "sustainable" and "in line with our core values" so many times, that your message will be considered Big Data.

4) Appoint a  Caucasian (like Hugh White) to manage Diversity, to ensure that the "appropriate amount of Diversity" is adopted, like a few handicapped people at the switchboard.

5) Text and think quickly & simultaneously on two to three phones because responsiveness is the essence of business partnership.

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