Working during the holiday season

No Russian to be spoken in con calls

In order to ensure that our company works all through the upcoming holiday season, in line with our core values of work work work life balance, CEO Stan and the Board of Directors ok'ed and blessed the following police-Y for December 2013.

1) December 24th-Jan 3rd are non denominational, global holidays, starting immediately. Working during these days will be aligned with our core values of work work work life balance and treasuring diversity.
2) Anyone who does not want to take a break on these days is free not to do so, after an exit interview with the ever-motivated Head of Our Involuntary Early Bird Retirement Plan, Ms Cynthia Axe.
3) Other denominational and Tribal Holidays can be celebrated, after an interview with Ms Axe. We thrive on diversity and our Early Bird Retirement Plan thrives to be diverse as well.
4) New Years can only be celebrated once a year, on January 1st, which is non denominational global new year.
5) We affirm our support for total diversity, and the global use of the English language.
6) No one can speak Russian in conference calls; no one speaks Russian except for a few Russians.
7) Tribal languages may be used in the parking lot.
8) We celebrate Diversity and Globalism.
9) Accent training is to be made available (at the employees axe-pense.) Folks from Scotland are encouraged to take this course.
10) The semi comprehensible  Scot from Glasgow who works at the switchboard and speaks tribal English will meet Ms Axe at noon for a coaching session.