Friday, 22 November 2013

Fear banished 48 hours

Texting fear out of our organization
Stan's overly active wife, Wifey,  read an article about Fear in Organizations. She texted hubby Stan a terse message: "Stanley, drive fear out of your firm; your fear is why you are failing-Come home with a clear plan, or don't come home at all-Wifey."

Stan texted me (I am his HR business partner) : "Glo-drive fear out of the firm in two days. Wifey is on the war path-don't fail, or else-Stan".

I convened a meeting with the heterosexual white boy Hugh White who heads Diversity and the right honourable Cynthia Axe, our overly zealous down-sizer.

Here is the plan we put together:

1) Project Manager for Operation Fear Not is Cynthia Axe, Head of our Early Bird Retirement Plan.

2) Mission Statement for Operation Fear Not is: If you feel any fear, from Stan stay clear.

3) Dial FEAR to reach a panic coach on our HR service menu, and you will be transferred to Ms Axe, who has a wow quota of 45 people to fire this month.

4) העיקר לא לפחד כלל-will be inscribed on all coffee cups. That is a tribal saying one of our nerds sent to me in the HR suggestion box.

5) Our core values will be realigned. 

Instead of "Doing the Impossible", it is now "Doing the Impossible Fearlessly".

6) The white straight boy who runs Diversity, Hugh White  will attend to those unfortunate people who cannot be understood in conference calls (Russians, Israelis, Chinese, Indians, Thais and Scots), and ensure that accent training may become available. This will "liberate" people with accent-liabilities from fear of  Stan's anger.


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