Thursday, 14 November 2013

Certification in Emotional Intelligence

With large mahogany frame, svp (French)

CEO Stan and R&D chief Comrade Carl Marks called me into the Board Room, where they were having an informal pow wow, without my presence! Noted.

Stan was texting his wife (Wifey) via  WhatsApp and he was distracted; it was Comrade Carl Marks who said, "Gloria, Stan has decided that both he and I need to be Certified in Emotional Intelligence from Oxford (or equivalent)  within a week. We want the Certificate to be framed in mahogany wood, and the name of degree we ask for is C.E.M.M., standing for Certified Emotionally Mature Managers. We plan to provide all our big data nerds with EQ certification as well, as an end of year bonus."

My late father, Pierre Elliot Ramsbottom, would have said something about this being a "crock of pasteurized bullshit", but 40% of the people who read this blog are politically correct Americans, so I should keep my "trap" shut, as Dad would have said.

Being the focused HR business partner that I am, I contacted a global vendor based in Lahore (that is NOT French for "the prostitute") and the diplomas are on the way.

Personally, I do not need a diploma in EQ. I am data driven.

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