Friday, 1 November 2013

一流的服务

"With untamed lust for our working force,"
at a reasonable price


Our CEO Stan just returned from a 5 day trip to the "Orient". His wife Wifey accompanied him to keep an eye on him because she claims Stan has had "yellow fever" in the past.

Stan and Wifey flew first class, in semi wow alignment to our core value of Humility. Both Stan and Wifey loved the Premium Service offered to them by Singapore Airlines. (Singapore is in the Orient, yet folks speak both English, Singlish and most have easy to member global first names, like Stephanie, Pauline, Chuck, Maggy, Daniel and Peter.)

On the way, Wifey told Stan" "If Gloria were to offer Premium HR service to your employees, you would not all be up sh-t's creek like you are now, Stanley". Stan texted/smsed me: "Offer Premium HR Service, but charge for it-Stan"

I convened a meeting of Axe, Cynthia (Involuntary Early Bird Retirement Chief) and White, Hugh (Diversity Chief) to put together our premium service offering. Here it is:

1) Cost of membership is $40 a year, or $5 each "usage unit".
2) Phone calls to our Call Centre will be answered within 2 days.
3) You will not be downsized by text/sms message for the first 3 months.
4) Hugh White's diversity team will protect you even if you are White, Jewish, Muslim, Sicilian, or all four.
5) You get one hour a year "premium coaching" from Gloria Ramsbottom-Lemieux.
6) You get insurance for axe-idents which occur for texting whilst driving on work related issues.
7) You get a small flag for your cubicle with my photo, autographed: "With lust, Your HRBP, Glo"
8) I hug you for an additional $2 usage, payable to me.
9) You get to eat Stan's chef's cost effective lasagna once a year. The name of Stan's chef is K Ray Beauregard Goldstein. He has mixed ethnicity.
10) Your name is entered in our Big Data name base.

No comments:

Post a Comment