Phenomenal HR Premium Service now Offered to most of our Employees (behind a paywall)

A votre service!

Our CEO Stan just returned from a 5 day trip to the "Orient". His wife Wifey accompanied him to keep an eye on him because she claims Stan has had "yellow fever" in the past.

Stan and Wifey flew first class, in semi wow alignment to our core value of Humility. Both Stan and Wifey loved the Premium Service offered to them by Singapore Airlines. 

Wifey told Stan" "If Gloria were to offer Premium HR service to your employees, you would not all be up shit's creek like you are now, Stanley". So Stan texted me-"Offer Premium HR Service, but don't forget you are a profit centre, Ramsbottom-Stan".

Here's the premium package I developed 5 minutes after getting CEO Stan's text-

 1) Cost of premium membership is $40 a year, plus $5 each "usage unit". To be collected by a paywall, enabled by a English blockchain.

2) Phone calls to our Premium Call Centre will be answered within 2 days, excluding weekends and Wednesdays. Our operators will have an American accent, or at least you will be able to understand them.

3) You probably will not be downsized by text message for the first 3 months as a premium HR user.. (limited availability of this feature)

4) Hugh White (Diversity) will protect you even if you are normal or white. 

5) You get one hour a year "premium coaching" from Gloria Ramsbottom-Lemieux.

6) You get insurance for axe-idents which occur for texting whilst driving on work related issues.

7) You get a small flag for your cubicle with my photo, autographed: "With lust, Your business partner, Glo"

8) I hug you for an additional $25 usage, payable to me. This is behind a cold Canadian paywall.

9) You get to eat Stan's chef's cost effective lasagna once a year. The name of Stan's chef is K Ray Beauregard Goldstein. He has mixed ethnicity.

10) Your name is entered in our Internet of Things data base after you have received your 6th covid vaccination-please note that we are injecting the Russian vaccine except for C level executives.

11 You need not use Teams any more.

12) You will allowed to work from home for one hour per month,

13) You are entitles to one hour per quarter of an ant--stress massage offered online by a second class (triple A) provider in Siberia or Kiev, or both.