Saturday 12 October 2013

In line with our core values, and almost in line with our core values

Nos valeurs: mises a jour 

Everything that we do in our company is in line with our core values. For example-
  • Our company is cash strapped and Comrade Carl Mark's Internet of Things department is "struggling"; HR needs to fire/liberate 40 people a week for the next month. This having been said, our hard working CEO Stan has a private chef named K Ray Beauregard-Goldstein who cooks CEO Stan cost effective lasagna, which is "in line with our core value of thrift."
  • Some of our minorities are well treated by the Diversity Chief, a white heterosexual named Hugh White. This is "in line with our core value of avoiding litigation ".
  • We are pursuing internet of things, which is in line with our core values of "cutting edge".
  • Our switchboard operator has a Scottish (Glasgow) accent, which is non sustainable, but very global. This is almost in line with our core values of "functional diversity".

HR generally adds "in line with our core values" in many sentences. This is "in line with our core value" of repetitive inculcation. 

When anything unpopular needs to be said or done, we ladies of HR say "almost in line with our wow core values." Such as, "learn English or be fired, almost in line with our core values".

Our  core values are  updated weekly, and posted in elevators, on screen savers and on our knowledge management portal. (The KM portal will allow us to fire more employees, "almost in line with our key values".)

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