Sunday 27 October 2013

We lust for our people

The ladies of HR-a votre service

Our company is on  a regime something like the Oz diet, ie, the organizational version of such a diet. (Dr Oz is an American doctor; my mother keeps asking me "why don't you find yourself a doctor like him)"?

The diet is under the auspices/supervision of the HR department; our company is trimmed and slimmed, in line with our core values, to become agile, lean, mean and sustainable. We are also a people company. We care. We lust about our people like we lust for our clients.

As we diet, we never neglect our greatest asset, our people. 

We manage the polarity via Performance Evaluation, the greatest tool since data mining.

As of tomorrow, we are starting the end-of-year performance evaluation, to enhance the importance of people.

Since we are growing negatively, people always raise "concerns" that our compensation and bonus plan is "not aligned" with positive feedback they receive in PE. 

"For god's sake, the average Joe is a dammed foolish", my late father Pierre Elliot Ramsbottom would say. "You aren't get a pay hike in a bad market", Dad would say.

Here are the guidelines for Performance Evaluation Process in our shrinking company.

1) Performance Evaluation is to be called Global Performance Evaluation.

2) Any word starting with B (bonus)  or C (compensation) is not to be used during the PE process.
3) Rankings are to be low; feedback is to be negative, in a positive sense.
4)  The evaluating manager must make massive use of words like "talent management", career path, and אופק.
5) Ms Cynthia Axe's picture should be on the wall of each of the evaluators. Ms Axe heads of Involuntary Early Bird Retirement Program.

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