5 wowsThis past weekend, our entire staff and families were on a picnic, "to forge one team and develop a sense of unity of direction, in alignment with our key value of happy but cheap labour."
The event was orchestrated by a certain Hugh White, from Diversity. Hugh is both a heterosexual and white as a lily.
In a post-mortem, CEO Stan called the camping event non wow; Chief big data nerd Comrade Carl Marks labelled the event as "semi-wow", Cynthia Axe was undecided whilst I think it was a quadruple wow, ie wow, wow, wow, wow.
Readers, judge for yourself how many wows the picnic was, in line with my core value of delegation.
1) Comrade Carl and his team of nerds separated into various ethnic groups, conversing in tribal dialects including Russian, Chinese, Urdu, Hindi, Hebrew and English with a Singapore accent. (The ladies of HR and Sales were in one white group, conversing in English).
2) All the wives (who speak some English) cornered our CEO Stan and asked about "why working hours are so long and pay is so low". Stan looked for me but I was texting my sister and did not see him beckoning me over.
3) Sarah Barracuda, Head of Procurement, got into a fist fight with Comrade Carl Marks about supply chain issues. Carl was treated by Ms Cynthia Axe, who read a book on first aid.
4) Wifey and I sat in a corner and discussed her latest reading recommendation on the impact of Confucian unequal relationships on management practices.
5) IT VP Winston Wu stayed at home, managing yet another IT crisis, since none of the Blackberry Classics were synchronizing with Google Calendar.
6) Stan gave a motivational (engagement) speech, and Comrade Carl Marks contradicted Stan 3 times. All our staff was ecstatic, especially the (3%) English speakers who understood what Stan said. Our nerds threw rice on Comrade Carl, was was stoned during the whole event.