Monday, 23 September 2013

Why HR ladies are the very best change managers

Becoming a Change Manager, mais oui!

Following a series of organizational changes, I need to be certified as a  senior Change Manager, pronto.  I will issue an RFP to certify me within a week, if possible even less.

My current skills and attitudes:

1-Texting/sms simultaneously on two mobile phones at 200 mph. I have a Blackberry Priv and a Blackberry Passport.

2-I am a phenomenal problem solver; average shelf time of a problem in my inbox is 2 minutes.

3-I believe OD is humanistic baloney.

4- HR is strategic and cutting edge, Change Management is and should be an integral part of HR.

5-I speak immaculate posh  English and my French is better than most Danes. I can understand when Scots speak English. I know a bit of German and Russian.

6-I reinvent myself all the time. I do my nails twice a week.

7-I believe change can be managed: provide a vision and mission statement, threaten people with being fired, and intrinsically motivate them.

8-I work with only the best, including world class down-sizer, Ms Axe (Cynthia) who has axed 45000 people in her stellar career.

9-No organizational change should take more than 2 days.

10-I implemented internet of things, and I am data driven.

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