Becoming a Change Manager, mais oui!
Following a series of organizational changes, I need to be certified as a senior Change Manager, pronto. I will issue an RFP to certify me within a week, if possible even less.
My current skills and attitudes:
1-Texting/sms simultaneously on two mobile phones at 200 mph. I have a Blackberry Priv and a Blackberry Passport.
2-I am a phenomenal problem solver; average shelf time of a problem in my inbox is 2 minutes.
3-I believe OD is humanistic baloney.
4- HR is strategic and cutting edge, Change Management is and should be an integral part of HR.
5-I speak immaculate posh English and my French is better than most Danes. I can understand when Scots speak English. I know a bit of German and Russian.
6-I reinvent myself all the time. I do my nails twice a week.
7-I believe change can be managed: provide a vision and mission statement, threaten people with being fired, and intrinsically motivate them.
8-I work with only the best, including world class down-sizer, Ms Axe (Cynthia) who has axed 45000 people in her stellar career.
9-No organizational change should take more than 2 days.
10-I implemented internet of things, and I am data driven.