Expat package rejected by ungrateful Igor

Welcome Igor, or Vlad.

Bienvenue!

Our beloved company, Immature Products, will relocate a Russian Internet of Things nerd from the Ukraine to our global North American headquarters for the period of one year. My understanding is that the Ukraine is in Russia.

The relocated Russian's name is Igor, or Vlad; I cannot seem to remember. Many of the Russian names sound similar.

Ms Axe (Cynthia) who heads our semi Voluntary Early Bird Retirement plan, offered the following package, which Vlad or Igor turned down. Here is the essence of the rejected proposal.

1) We respects the rights of employees to live where ever they wish.

2) Clearly, very few people want to live in the Ukraine.

3) We welcome Igor or Vlad with open arms.

4) We will provide a web page with references to English "accent tutors", provided by English speakers from Glasgow.

5) Igor will have 3 days at Days Inn upon landing at company expense. This will include breakfast for his wife and one child. Their dog will be allowed in the yard.

6) I ask the US federal government and State Officials to be helpful.

7) Payment of salary in rubles.

8) We will provide an American flag for Vlad to hang on his balcony.

9) Vlad's/Igor's wife will get to go to Saudi Arabia on annual "Expat's 3rd world wives getaway week".  The price of the week getaways may be partially subsidized, depending on market conditions.

10)  The very day Vlad solves the problems for which he is brought to HQ to solve, I will accompany him personally to the airport to go home, as an act of appreciation.

11) Vlad/Igor will get a local prepaid sim card. Calls to his mother in the homeland can be made Skype to Skype, at company expense. Vlad will get Samsung 3 telephone.