Updating our values-service pack needed

"At the senior management team table" (made of mahogany) CEO Stan updated us all on our revised revenue targets following the wow wow new non-project in Damascus and the upcoming deployment of 0.00 in Zimbabwe, which is "en Afrique". That's French.

Based on these revenue targets, we need to re-size and re-align our company; Miss Axe will both create compelling reasons to retire early and or relocate to Bay Ruth, from where our Syrian account will be managed, the moment the UN intervenes. The UN is a global organization, like the World Bank and the English Language.

I will "forge" a realignment plan via a new value "pack."
This value pack (coupled with visionary goals) will drive on our new direction, ie the emerging and declining world.

I need 3.5 to 6.78  values which will inspire, motivate and help internalize organizational messages of  1) globalism, 2)  the death of the Russian language outside of Russia, 3)  the uselessness of trying to learn Chinese because it takes 59 years + and 4) the thrill of the drive from Bay Ruth to Damascus.

The values should not be sexist as there is a heightened fear of sexism in this blog, because the author of this satiric blog is a male, disguised (omg) as a female. 

WE ALL know that there are VERY few female HR managers and most CEOs are women.