I have unbundled HR services-mais oui!
CEO Stan gave me a seat at the table because of my business partnership. I use the word "business partnership" daily more frequently than I send text messages via Whatsapp....which is quite something.
In order for HR to maintain a seat at the table, we need to constantly augment our business partnership.
As such, I have put together a plan to become vendor of choice and un-bundle our HR services, which emphasizes our understanding of the business.
From now until 2018, HR will be a compulsory and forced "vendor of choice", yet our product suite is to be unbundled.
Here is our virtual price list as we un-bundle our services to achieve full business partnership.
- Firing people by text: $1
- Firing people in a group: $2 per head
- Firing people in a one on one with the venerable Ms Cynthia Axe: $4
- Firing people in a one on one with Cynthia Axe and an anti stress massage: $61
- Putting people on Corrective Ax-tion Plan: $5
- Plan to raise morale whilst cutting benefits: $20
- A one on one with Gloria Ramsbottom-Lemieux: $909 and tax
- A yearly subscription to the HR weekly rag "The Rams' Bottom": $222 yearly for English speakers; $500 for our nerd version in Hindi, Urdu, Danish, Hebrew, Ukrainian, Chinese or Russian.