Making the average Vlad into a hero

Stan appears inconsistent

Stan, our erratic CEO, asked me to come up with a plan to make our engineers into super heroes.  This very same Stan used the words "hapless", "useless" and "bums" to describe these very same nerds just a week ago.

I mentioned to CEO Stan that he seemed to vacillate on issues relating to the team's capabilities; 
Stan replied that Wifey told him about the need "to reinvent himself and the keys teams". Now that's a word! (I personally would like big data to back this up).

Besides telling me the super-hero piece, Stan also told me that each engineer should "show case" his or her talents. 
Now that sounds global and sustainable. 

I read a "philosophical" executive summary of an article about "showcasing" by a senior coach (who used to pump gas). 

This is what we are going to do.

1) All engineers will undergo a cooking course and outdoor training. I am looking for a trainer who understands poor English, as the engineers are very "global".

3) All engineers will watch a webinar on self promotion, commissioned from a Liberia-based vendor now learning English, and appears to be Ebola free.

4) Engineers' "deliverables" will be renamed from "dog food" to A.C., "almost caviar".

5) 400 T shirts will be distributed with the follow motto: 
"Your know-how you must  show case, or Ms Axe will you replace".