Thursday, 6 June 2013

Book of Sybil is complete and Gloria is reinstated

1- This is the Book of Sybil, sister of Wifey, subordinate of Gloria, colleague of Cynthia (Axe), Head of the Early Bird Retirement Plan at Immature Products, led by Stan the CEO, husband of Wifey.

2-Sybil's role was to have ensured a civil level of discourse at Round Tables. And Sybil said "how good". And Stan had many round tables. And they were civil. And Sybil garnered power. And Sybil was happy. And so was Stan.

3-And it came to pass that Wifey and Sybil schemed to rid Immature Products of a certain Gloria Ramsbottom-Lemieux, which is a hyphenated name. And Wifey and Sybil went to a retreat in Vermont, and schemed and schemed, and Gloria was sidelined. And Wifey was ax-tatic; and Sybil was  even happier. Stan did not give a sh-t because he is an engineer.

4-And Albania Electric cancelled a contract with Immature Products.

5-And Stan was upset. And Stan wept. He saw his retirement approaching.

6-And Stan turned to Cynthia (Axe), Head of the Early Bird Retirement Plan at Immature Products, and it came to pass that 70 out of 300 engineers need to be fired. And Cynthia asked for a raise. And Stan gave her a raise. And Cynthia said, how good.

7-And Gloria and Cynthia (Axe) schemed, and schemed and schemed and schemed. 8000 text messages were sent in 40 minutes.

8-And it came to pass that Sybil told Stan to "hold off" on the resizing, because "business may pick up". And Sybil told Stan that women and minorities and immigrants need "to be protected". And Sybil told Stan that "we have a severe management problem Stan; the managers keep making these poor decisions and we keep firing people".

9-And Stan was angry.

10-And Stan fumed with fury.

11-And a mighty boom was heard, and the building shook.

12-Sybil's career was buried in an Unknown Place, near Nebo.

13-Gloria Ramsbottom-Lemieux was reinstated as SEVP HR (Senior Executive Vice President) and the IT Department will report to her as well.

14-And it was good. וראתה כי טוב

15-This ends the book of Sybil, sister of Wifey. As Gloria re-entered the building of Immature Products in Ottawa/Boston, Stan washed her feet.

16-The Book of Sybil became Big Data in 2013.






2 comments:

  1. ABSOLUTELY WILD

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is better than any parody I have ever read.

    ReplyDelete