Executive summary of business trip to Austria

After the sudden disappearance of Sybil Civil, and my reappearance as SVP HR (with IT reporting into me, including Big Data), Stan (our CEO) sent me to Austria to "scout the land" and prepare an ax-ecutive summary for him. 

Immature Products paid for this trip as per Stan/discretionarybudget/slushfund/gloria/grandcayman

Here are both my business and  philosophical observations about Austria, as well as a few questions.

1 Why have 2 German-speaking countries  (Austria and Germany) right next to one another? Does this make any  sense whatsoever? I will ask Ms Axe (Head of Our Early Bird Retirment Plan) to look into this.

2 No one uses the German language in business, so why do so few people speak English in Austria? Or French! Also, I cannot understand why the word fahrt, with an H, appears in public areas, not only in the toilet. For heaven's sake!

3 Some words have 2 dots above the "U". This is the most useless thing I have ever seen. I will demand corrective ax-tion.

4 There are no air conditioners and it is 110 degrees, even now as I wrote these words at the aeroport. This is a disciplinary breach!This is neither global or sustainable.

5 I prefer Scotland over Austria in terms of easy and seamless ax-cess to London's Buckingham Palace.

6 Stan sometimes called Ms Cynthia Axe "Miss Shaft". I believe in Austria this would become Ms Ge-shaft. For some reason, they add a GE before "shaft".