How I got my latest raise-I now net $160000 (102104 posh British Pounds)

Agile responsiveness

Finally, I got a lovely pay raise today, following my responsiveness to my CEO Stan's text messages. 

I think that my answers to 5 urgent texts he sent me did the job! Lookee lookee-

1. "Glo, what is the code number of my Platinum Star Alliance card?"  Stan.
2. "Glo, how much did we save by hiring Ukrainian engineers who 'are learning' English and Engineering?" Stan
3. "Glo, why did Cynthia Axe fire the son of one our investors?" Stan
4. "Glo, you need some 'agility coaching'?  Stan
5. "Glo, answer your god damn text messages. Where are you? In the Farroe Islands?" Stan.

My standard yet agile reply to all texts was-

Thank you for calling/texting  HR-Your Business Partner; one of our global, sustainable and underpaid attendants will be pleased to serve you because I am moonlighting; please hold on and we will revert in a timely fashion. 

If your name starts with an S, please revert to me after a raise. $150,000 net is not enough. To understand my feelings, click here."

Today, I  got a text from Stanley, "As of today, you net 160,000 USD".