Tailor made engagement plan

A la carte

Following the roll out of our semi successful fast lane re-engagement plan, CEO Stan threatened to fire me. This happened in a fit of temporary insanity.

3 hours later, when he calmed down, I told Stan I would prepare an improved 'tailored made, a la carte approach to engagement after downsizing.' 

Stan likes my use of French, and all of a sudden he changed his approach; he is now willing to play a key role in re engagement.

•   Stan is ready to retract the statement that our internet of things engineers are 'useless bums'. 
•   Stan now calls them 'salt of the Earth' and 'my beloved sons and daughters'.

Stan asked, 'Glo, what would be the engagement impact if I washed a developers/engineers feet as they entered the building?' 

I referred this query to the bizarre straight white boy who heads Diversity, Hugh White. Hugh forwarded the query (English word) to a certain Ms Cynthia Axe, who referred the question back to me, in line with our core value of passing the buck.

When I explained the consequences to Stan, a drama unfolded.

• As a major cornerstone of our "tailor made motivation plan", Stan will wash and scrub the feet of 7 engineering team leaders in R&D. Ms Axe (Cynthia) will dry these very same feet and rub them with "motivation oil". Big data boys will get a free foot massage, thrown in.

• Ms. Claire Ramsbottom-de la Montagne will film this event and I shall use this as our re engagement webinar. (Claire is my less successful sister, but she makes good and agile videos).

• Pets will now be allowed in the workplace, in the framework of this motivation campaign. This is in line with our core value of silent capitulation under duress.