Axe watches me launch the Inclusion Blitz
Prodded by the restless mind of Wifey, CEO Stan's indefatigable wife, I was ordered by CEO Stan to launch a blitz (German word) to "accommodate any person with liabilities", aka Inclusion. (Inclusion is a distant cousin of Diversity.)
I texted (using Whats-app and BBM) the followed strategic message to Ms Cynthia Axe, who heads our Early Bird Retirement Plan.
- "Do an inclusion survey with our staff and assess needs with 24 hours".
Ms Axe (Cynthia), ever the absconder, forwarded this text to Hugh White, from Diversity. Hugh did not answer the text because his wife Ludmilla White (nee Khrushchev) had pulled the leash very hard and young heterosexual Hugh is in the doghouse.
So, having to take full responsibility due to the lack of engagement of my lackeys, I myself did an informal survey about inclusion needs.
Here are my findings.
1) Folks from Sales want good engineers included in our IoT group.
2) Folks in IoT HQ want some English speaking folks included in our Ukrainian development site.
3) 98% of people sampled want Ms Axe (Cynthia) included in our Early Bird Retirement Program.
4) One very very senior HR manager wants to include more people with a hyphenated last name, preferably with one of those names being French, like Beauregard-Taylor.
5) Stan wants more workaholics included in our G&A staff.
6) IoT nerds want people with speech impairments included in Sales, so that less promises can be made.
I shall make crisp decisions, after validating my findings with the internet of things. First, I need to figure out what IoT is, as it were. After consulting a IoT nerd, I will launch the Wow Wow Inclusion Campaign immediately.
To be frank and earnest, IoT makes my HR role easy. I have two brothers, Frank and Ernest.