Thursday, 2 May 2013

Deferred Compensation

I want creative HR

Stan, our CEO and Great Leader, believes in deferred gratification and of course, deferred compensation.

(Wifey has ensured that Stan is steeled in deferring her gratification!)

Stan has deferred almost all bonuses for middle and line managers in line with the deferred release of our next bug fix for our deferred embryonic triple wow product.

Stan has asked me to commission a 30 second webinar on 'letting go' of instant gratification, for our line managers and middle management.

Salary raises will be "re-deployed' and "semi-deferred" in line with our new "self control police-Y" for middle managers.

New aggressive commitments will not be deferred, in order to keep our 'workforce' motivated.

Procurement of Blackberry Q30s for senior managers will not be deferred, because my brothers Frank and Ernest work for Blackberry.

English lessons for foreign global staff, except for the Scots, will be deferred. (Google translate will bridge the minor gap between our loyal yet incoherent Turkmenistan developers and our low cost triple wow solution architects in Tibet.)

Our new mission statement is...defer and purr.

Defer and purr

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