Wow wow wow changes to our wow-wow Medical Insurance

"A company's health is a company's wealth" is a nice slogan. 
Mai oui!

"The revenue stream" for next quarter will be as continuous as the piss of my 102 year old grandfather"-quipped Stan in a moment of "transparency" this past Friday. 

Our beloved, slightly erratic CEO Stan values the health of almost all of our employees. Stan once said, "a company's health is a company's wealth". I think wifey (Stan's omnipresent wife) told him that, based on an on-line magazine article she read. However, we need to adjust our health plan to our capabilities, in a positive sense.

The following updates are issued for our wow wow wow medical plan.

1-The focus will be on preventive medical treatment. Thus, "corrective interventions" will get "less" funding that preventive treatment. Stan reaffirms his support of  walking,  and breathing exercises at 600 am.

2- Dentistry and surgery are defined as 4.7642*9, i.e., unneeded.

3-Injuries incurred from texting whilst driving will be almost covered if the text message was sent to Stan.

4-Air conditioning, known to promote the flu, will be "aligned" with promoting health.

5-For urgent family emergencies, Gloria Ramsbottom and her dedicated global and sustainable team (consisted of Cynthia Axe and Hugh White) will provide the telephone number of City Hall Welfare.

6-Stan's medical care will be negotiated with the Board and a nosy Ms. Ramsbottom-Lemieux will not be involved.

7-Members of our impotent Sales team are encouraged to smoke two packs a day.

8-Members of our non-delivering Immature Product Deployment team may get "anti-assault" coverage"; may, not shall.