Thursday 11 April 2013

More humane HR services launched

I have no time even for brief sexual activity, as HR Business Partner.

To emphasize our HR business partnership enable greater axe-cessibility to HR services in 2014, starting immediately.

1)       Voice menu enabled diversion of calls directly to "virtual care-provider", starting "pretty soon". Care providers now learning English.

2)     Enhance our "Early Bird Retirement Plan", in a humane fashion, emphasizing the augmented availability of free time. 

3)       Whatssup-enabled text coaching by a certified coach (who also does faith healing), with a few letters after coach's CPC-certified private coach.

4)      Email "Civility", supported by monitoring emails and sms messages, discretely.

Here is our new Voice Menu: Wow, you have reached HR.

For quantitative-easing of our costs via early retirement, press one.
For voluntary pay cuts, press two.
For our quarterly sales goals, press three.
For a personal one on one with Cynthia Axe, Head of Early Bird Retirement,, press four.
For enhancing work-work-work-life balance, press one.
For women's and minority rights, please press five.
For sexual harassment issues, please press one.
To hear some of Stan's motivational speeches, please press six.
For health issues, please press one.
To speak to Ms Gloria Ramsbottom-Lemieux, SVP HR and certified coach, please send her a very brief text, then press one.

Gloria Ramsbottom-Lemieux

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