Ruminations on Lunch "Breaks"

Stan has working lunches and his chef prepares light and inexpensive meals that allow him to stay focused and drive our success.
Our entire HR department, including myself and Ms Cynthia Ax, watch webinars on creative ways to re-size- at our daily internal working lunches .
Stan understands the need to eat.
Here is our new police-y on lunches:

Lunches are now called working-lunches.
Please feel free to eat and send work related sms-text related messages , eat at the work station or eat in the elevator between meetings.
Please avoid dropping crumbs on the keyboard.
Please avoid spilling coffee on your blackberry.
Idle chatter and socializing are encouraged on weekends.
Each employee is encouraged to watch an HR webinar once a week, while having a working lunch.
This entire policy is to be carried out in a timely fashion.
NO VIRTUAL PARENTING IS ALLOWED DURING WORKING LUNCHES.