Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Crisis Intervention

                                                   Passionate about data


Our beloved (and brainless, I must add) CEO Stan conveyed a meeting between Sales and Engineering to accelerate development and instill the Sales force with a passion to win.
(Stan loves the word passion to win, but Stan get passionate only when he deals with big data, which sexually arouses him.)

I told Stan this two way meeting would not be a good idea; however Wifey told Stan that she had read an article on Improving Communications written by a CEO, "just like you". Wifey prompted Stan: "Do it Stanley and have the "witch" Ramsbottom help you".

I would describe the meeting as a semi non-wow.

My coach told me to "speak numbers" so, here is how the meeting went from a numbers point of view:
  1. 5 people swore.
  2. 7773 pieces of  nasty (not nice)  feedback were exchanged.
  3. 2 pizzas were launched. They included anchovies and pepperoni.
  4. Stan said "shut the f--k up and listen to me" 30,000 times.
  5. Ms Axe's name was taken in vain 600000 times. Cynthia has a reputation problem.
  6. HR was praised once, by me.
The meeting ended when 4 Russians swore in Russian, the white sales team walked out, and I muttered "tabernacle" in French, which my grandmother (from St Boniface) used to say all the time.

Stan sent me a text and demanded some "follow up action, in a timely manner". Here is the plan to "further leverage" what went on on the meeting:
  1. A joint mission statement between Sales and Immature Products will be "released" tomorrow.
  2. A webinar (90 seconds) on "Listening Skills" will be launched in a week.
  3. Disability Training will be delivered to clinically depressed Sales Team.
  4. We will have a magician come in this Friday and get a smile on peoples' face.
  5. HR will post one thousand posters: Work together build our brand, Or Cynthia Axe will get you canned.

Get you canned- C Axe

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