New recruitment strategies -post corona

Ms Axe ( right) and I

I summoned a certain Ms Axe (Cynthia), our down-sizer, to a face to face meeting dedicated to formulating a new recruitment strategy for our firm  in the post corona era. Ms Axe appeared vigorous, youthful and plump.

I had planned to solicit her input until she threw out an idea or two, and then I reverted to telling her what to do. Soliciting input from lackeys makes sense, perhaps, but I guess that Ms Axe is an exception.

During the so called corona virus scare, we sent 80 % of our nerds home, on furlough, and signed them all off on a `voluntary donation contract` where each nerd agreed to keep on working, in exchange for getting his or her passport back, and one meal a week on the day of his or her choice. The nerds also decided to forgo all perks in the spirit `community and awareness that we are all in this together.`

With growing demand for our new product and the disappearance of corona from the evening news, we need to get back to real work. Teletrabajo, as it is called in Spain, is really a lot of bologna, if you ask me.

As such, we have started recruiting nerds with the goal of leveraging the environmental changes to get more bang for the buck, if that makes sense.

As on June 1st, furlough is finito. The `voluntary donation contract` expires November 1st, but we will provide free lunches and coffee until then.

New recruits will pay a mere $78 dollars for an employment interview, to be refunded after 6 years on the job and or added to our severance bonus.

Medical care will be reinstated via a tele-medicine expert, who also pulls teeth remotely, or for more accuracy, helps you or your partner pull your own teeth.

All nerds will be charged a $50 a week management fee, to cover the cost of managing their incompetence.

I know that some of my readers may think I have been over-indulgent, but if you think about it, being fair often pays off, especially on social media.