The Exit Interview

You cannot just axe employees and flush them down the toilet. Mais non. Actually you can, but "haram", i.e, you shouldn't.

Why? Even dismissed employees have value that can be squeezed from them. So I have decided to explain how to extract this last drip of value, albeit my reservations. On one hand, I do not want to give away all my knowledge freely since I am not Danish, but on the other hand, I do seek recognition as the first lady and as la prima ballerina of HR-thus, I am willing to share tidbits of our agile exit interview process. Here is how it works:

Six months after an employee has returned home to join his family and squander his severance pay on beer and women (or men for that matter), we interview our nerds in a Whatsapp group called "The House of Lords". 

The exit interview consists of 5 questions, in English, and for each question answered correctly, the severed nerd gets 50 cents for use in our company canteen. The 50 cents is valid for 21 days, except in June and July as well as odd days in the third week of every second month.

Are you interested in knowing what these questions are? Read on.

1) What did you value most about the HR ladies' contribution to your wellbeing? Why aren't men good HR managers?

2) Would you describe our severance package as more humane or more compassionate?

3) If your spouse is nagging you now that you spend more time at home, are you interested in my new book, "Thriving at Home After Severance"? It costs $30 USD. I do not accept British pounds.

4) Have you started to improve your English? Or have you reverted to speaking your tribal tongue?

5) Do you miss the smell of spicy food on Diversity Day? Do you miss working with people who are very much unlike you?

Btw, all answers to these questions are documented in our Blockchain, which was Made in Austria.