Emergency Steps to prevent Corona Virus spread among our nerds

Shake a leg, Gloria

Our chief nerd, Comrade Carl Marks, sent out an email to all our management and staff which read, "Shake a leg, Gloria. You have promoted all this wellness bullshit and now is the time to put your money where your mouth is. A vicious virus, made in China, is threatening our nerds. Act, pronto. Tak. Love, Comrade Carl".

When I got the email, Carl was sitting next to me at the lunch table in his favourite Russian restaurant. I asked him "why didn't you just speak to me. Tovarish (Comrade)? 
"Talking is human-email is divine", noted Carl.

I am in a quandary, which is a nice word. On one hand, I am a business partner and our nerds need to work as well as travel to customers in Asia. On the other hand, there are constraints that I need to factor in, which have to do with the so-called corona virus. 
Dad used to tell me that "you only have two hands, Gloria."

I felt an urge to act, not think. I am Canadian, not Danish or Spanish.
These are the measures I have decided upon, and if you ask me, this platform serves as an evidence based protocol which could be universally adopted to cope with the corona virus.

1-No more bat-soup at lunch.
2-Remove splinters from the cheap toilet paper we ordered from the third world to keep costs down.

3-Travel to and from Asia all to be rerouted through a 3rd world airport to avoid bureaucratic hassles of overzealous border officials. Travelling nerds with be equipped with a 5 Euro bribe to grease palms, as needed.

5-3 star hotels in Asia, and no street food to be reimbursed.

6-Shared taxis to and from airports only with fellow travellers who appear to be healthy.

7-h.

8- Use of call girls-Verboten, even in Romania

9-Honour the HR woman, that your days be long upon the Earth. Otherwise, I will encourage herd immunity.

10-Some toilets will be equipped with wellness kits, as soon as we recruit our new supply chain manager. The kits will include a Danish passport, hand spray, 5 "slices" of toilet paper, soap, a nail clipper, and a picture of Miss Axe.

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