Tuesday 10 December 2019

Sexual Relations Monitoring Unit established in HR

Thanks Arlene

It become very "au courant" to deter employees in the same firm from engaging in hanky panky, which is what my Dad Pierre Elliot Rambottom used to call illicit sexual relations. Some firms outlaw these relationships "totalement" forcing these liaisons to take place in sordid hotels, in the parking lot, or within cubicle 3 in uni-gender toilet on the 18th floor between midnight and 2 am.

However, I was raised in a liberal household; my Dad voted NDP, which is the Canadian version of the Labour Party, without Corbyn, without antisemitism, and without empty promises. As a result, I have a laissez-faire attitude about sex between consenting adults, as long as we ladies of HR (and Hugh White), are aware of what is going on. After all, people can do whatever they like, as long as HR knows and cares.
This, by the way, in no way reflects on my personal life.

I had a short discussion about this very subject with my chief down-sizer, a certain Miss Cynthia Axe, and Hugh White, the straight white boy who runs Diversity. I emphasized the need to be "with it", whilst maintaining our core values of "work life balance and limited freedom". In this spirit, we will set up a the Unit of Sexual Scrutiny, under the auspices of HR.

Effective immediately, Axe and White assume responsibility of gathering both warm data and hot data about people in our company who are intimately engaged, as it were. This excludes married couples, who are rarely intimately engaged, if you get my drift.

Axe and White will have at their disposal a French blockchain with Swiss spare parts. Ms Axe will handle most of the populations' aberrations whilst Hugh White will monitor interracial affairs and inclusion issues when more than 2 people are involved.

Comrade Carl Marks, our chief nerd, heard this news and sent me a SMS: "Gloria-Pierrovna. Get your sticky  fingers out of our knickers". 
This was followed by a Whatapp message from CEO Stan who suggested: "Get thee to a shrink, young lady. You are fired". Two minutes later, he rehired me when he remembered that I know a few things about him and the venerable Ms Axe.

I love it when Stan calls me "young lady". 

Get thee to a shrink









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