Herr Krebbs rejects income derived from a shady sale, and HR called to the rescue

Comrade Carl Marks, our chief nerd, was happy as a lark when he received a Whatsapp informing him that a slimy agent had just made a sale of our new embryonic product to a village in the Cook Islands.

The Comrade sent a jocund email to all which read- "Cook Islands today, South Sudan tomorrow and England or Germany by this weekend.  Kibinimat, Stalingrad is back in our hands again".

Back in our hands again

Immediately, an all hands meeting was convened in the Marshall Zhukov Auditorium ; all smartphones were confiscated at the entrance by Ms Cynthia Axe, to ensure full attention. I hid my smartphone and smuggled it in so that I can update my status of my dating profile.

Comrade Carl was standing on the stage waving at the mob of nerds like Kim Jong Un (one). Once everyone was in their seat, Herr Krebbs our German CFO asked for permission to speak. "Dear Comrade Carl, Ich nicht is a party pooper. But- ver is da contract? Ver is zeh terrrms ohf payment? Zis is  scam maybe, ja? I declare by ze powers invested in me zat zis deal is off. Ja. Danke".

CEO Stan who was sitting in the first row texted me, "Gloria, do we have mental health insurance for Comrade Carl? Has Mister Herr Krebbs had cultural training? Where the fuck does Mister Herr Krebbs think he is working? Germany? Norway? The Swiss Republic? We NEED that revenue, Gloria.  Fix this issue pronto with that over-starched Mister Herr Krebbs, Gloria, and please adjust Comrade Carl's medication. Now. Stan."

Thank heavens I know all about blockchains. They fix everything.

Marshall Zukov Auditorium

On pleasing clients from shit hole countries

Digestive issues

Comrade Carl Marks, our chief nerd, has been in Denmark attending a Happiness Seminar Using a Blockchain".The Comrade told me upon his return that "there is no fucking way of being happy when the sun goes down at 230 pm". 

However the Comrade did return from his seminar with a "grand idea for which I need support from the first lady of HR". To that end, Comrade Carl invited me for breakfast as 2 PM, claiming that he is jet lagged.

Comrade Carl ordered a 18 slice American-sized, super huge pizza and a bottle of scotch for lunch. After he finished eating, burped then apologized, he said, "Gloria, our clients' intelligence is severely lacking. Our finicky clients have a penchant for functionality whilst our products are well known for their technological sophistication. This creates some dissonance . My plan to is augment our  clients' intelligence with AI. The way that I see it, I own the AI strategy and you, Gloria, own the implementation. After all, you are a lady of action."

I forgot to tell you readers that I don't eat breakfast at 2 PM. So I ordered a bottle of mineral water and a bran muffin, for my digestion. I often have digestive problems after I speak to Comrade Carl.

I told Comrade Carl that augmenting our clients' intelligence with AI is no big deal. However, I told the comrade that I am capable of doing so only in English, French and Viennese German.

Comrade Carl jumped to his feet and bellowed, "Gloria, our clients come from shit-hole countries, where no one really speaks any language all that well, let alone English."

I promised Carl that I would commission an offshore vendor to "address this issue in a timely fashion using a blockchain."

Carl hugged me and whispered in my ears, "Kibinimat Gloria, you have the nicest legs this side of  Dimitrovgrad, Russia".

Shit-hole clients

My 2018 New Years Resolutions

Never one to be influenced by public opinion and populist social media, I am making resolutions for 2018. Oui! And I will follow up on these resolutions, using new software which I have just downloaded on my 3 smartphones, in line with my core values of downloading new software all the time.

I have limited myself to 3 resolutions, in line my core values of being brief. 

1) I will not overuse the term blockchain. True, I did pile the cold cuts high, as it were, about bigdata and peopleanalytics, but I won't do so for blockchain, Blockchain is like sex; if you overdose, it becomes routine. Heavens, who needs a routine blockchain!

2) Following the huge numbers of Germans who read mine blog, I plan to perfect my Viennese accent. Most of the German speaking crowd think that I'm Bavarian. This will change. 

3) I will cease and desist from teasing the Danes about how happy they are. Instead, I will promote the Danish way of achieving happiness, ie, Cipralex. My 150 year old Mum started taking Cipralex and she feels happier than a pig in shit. And she meets new people every day.

OK, I will add one more.

4) HR is not dead. No, it's alive and kicking. This having been said (I love that expression), I will take an on-line course or a PhD in Investment Banking, so that I can eventually return my chips and retire in a nice cozy place like Sudbury in Ontario, Glasgow which is in England or Darwin which is in Australia. 

Vienna here I come