Tuesday, 5 December 2017

Preemptive coping strategies for sexual harassment

That's not what I meant

CEO Stan called me into his office. 'Gloria, if there is any sexual harassment in our company, you'll be out on your pretty ass'. Then Stan caught himself and added, 'That's not what I meant'.

I told Stan that all preemptive measures have been taken, from an HR perspective. 'Gloria, what the hell does  'from an HR perspective mean?' I told Stan not to ask too many questions.

I am very proud of myself. Muy muy proud. If you ask me, there will never be any sexual harassment in our firm, due to the steps I have taken. By the way, there may be one exception, 31 year old Ms Cynthia Axe claims to have been tapped on the bum 33 years ago. Ms Axe has just started taking Cipralex, so I will wait for a week or so to see that she smartens up, from an HR perspective.

I am sure all my readers want to know what prophylactic steps have been taken to prevent sexual harassment. Well I shan't share all my tricks with you, yet here are just a few.

1) Work work work work work and no play. That ensures that even if people want to get the ball rolling, as it were, they can't.
2) Hire asexual nerds. This is very easy, since more nerds are more asexual than sexual, from an HR perspective.
3) Deploy a sex chat-bot to filter off any excess libido. Power the sex chat-box with a blockchain, made in Germany.

As far as looking at my legs are concerned, and at Ms Axe's front end, I have an almost zero tolerance level. 'Almost' because Dad used to say that boys will be boys.

My stems on the left

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