Tuesday, 26 September 2017

The upside of the downside

I have not posted for several weeks albeit my core value of posting every week in order to enhance my branding as the first lady of HR.

However, there was a good reason for my absence, which was felt as far away as Melbourne, which is in  Australia; I was very busy managing a major positive crisis.

Move your white ass, Gloria

Three weeks ago, our CEO Stan called me into his office to inform me that we had just lost three of our two major clients. This does not make sense from a mathematical perspective, but it does make sense from an evidence based HR perspective. 

Our CEO was as stressed as an American liberal New Yorker reading Trumps' tweets. This is what he told me:

"Gloria, I want you to put a positive spin on this. Our nerds to be aware that this is a huge opportunity, and not gossip in the crapper about managerial impotence. I want to hear more whistling in the hallways, for Christ sake, Move your white ass Gloria, or I will give you the boot."

Thinking cap

I was beside myself. I had so many ideas that my head was buzzing. Finally, after wearing my thinking cap even in my sleep, I issued the following Whatsapp to ALL. (I backed up the Whastapp message with an email and a text.)

"After our senior management decision to dismiss more than 100% of our key clients, we ladies of HR want to call to your attention that we  have 3 major wow reasons to celebrate. 
1) We can now give our Sales Team challenging stretch goals, 
2) Our product can be further developed free from client restraints, 
3) the ladies of HR will be busier than one armed paper hangers as we resize to align with external reality, from a budget perspective".

CEO Stan called me into his office and kissed me on the hand, like a Habsburg nobleman. I was a happy as a pig in shit. And yes, I got a raise.

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