Friday, 18 August 2017

Extreme political views at the work place-a practical guide for the HR lady

Trump needs a lobotomy
Diversity Chief Hugh White, the Caucasian  straight lad who runs Diversity, sent me a Whatsapp asking me what our policy is vis a vis (French) hiring staff (humans and bots) who are affiliated with Nazi neo Fascists. "I know this question is controversial, but the rank and file are in an uproar", claimed Hugh.

Of all the stupid questions I have been asked, this is not one of the more stupid ones. After re-reading a Sherlock Holmes story, remembering the use of induction, logic and having a posh English accent, I followed the following my logic and feline instinct. Voila-my thoughts.

  • My Dad fought the Nazis and always told me they were an 'inhuman, evil lot, with a filthy ideology rotten to the core; they also reduced their own country to a pile of rubble in the end'.
  • I had a Jewish girlfriend in high school, Sharon Bernstein, and we were closer that I was with my bitchy sister Claire.
  • Stan, my boss and CEO who never speaks of politics, told me that Trump "needs to get his head examined; he needs a fucking lobotomy".
  • And finally, out chief nerd Comrade Carl Marks, has a huge sign over his desk which reads 'Nazism sleeps poorly". Next to that sign is a picture of Marshall Zuhov, who I understand, was an American general who was very dominant in the fall of Nazism.

On the other hand, I do believe in training my staff to use their limited intelligence. So I send Hugh White a Whatsapp imploring him to 'use his common sense, whilst being sensitive to the winds of change." Whatsapp is the only way to convey important information.

I know what will guide Hugh's reasoning. He knows that we are a very tolerant organization. Only the HR team and CEO Stan speak English well. Our CFO is German; Herr Krebbs does speak English but he has a very zrtrrrong accent. And we have 343 illegal immigrants who work in our parking lot and cafeteria. No one in Engineering is too white and we have 582 mother tongues registered for out 400 nerds. 

Hugh just called me and asked if we
winds of change
can hire an anti-Fascist. 'Hugh' I told him grimly, 'you will never be the EVP of HR'!

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