Gloria Sherlock Ramsbottom and Recruitment

A wet Syrian passport Comrade Carl Marks, our chief nerd, decided to hire 3 nerds immediately to debug the former version of our product since the new version is still 'pre embryonic'. Ms Cynthia Axe, our chief down-sizer, suddenly found herself with tasked with hiring, which is akin to the Pope being asked to run an abortion clinic, if you get my drift. However Ms Axe, fearful of her eroded reputation, wanted to avoid hiring mistakes and as such, each interview was taking over half an hour. Comrade Carl, under severe pressure, texted me to 'get Cynthia to move her white ass and expedite the hiring process, or I will hold your feet the fire Gloria. Don't fuck with me, Gloria.' Comrade Carl's anger problem is managed by a series of medications, some of which missing from the chemists' shelf. All of these events came as I was reading a  Sherlock Holmes novel as I have a date in six weeks with a detective. I wandered down near the room where Ms Axe was interviewing and 3 candidates were awaiting their interview. Axe was running 2 hours behind time. I went into the room where Ms Axe was preparing an excel sheet, comparing candidates. 'Axe' I exclaimed, 'hire the three candidates sitting outside. The first on the right is a refugee of the illegal ilk. He shall work in the parking lot. The one in the middle is an Israeli. He shall work with Comrade Carl's "AI-Bot Algorithm Team". The third is a jocund Dane. Hire her as well, and she will deal with customer anger issues. I imagine the names of the candidates are Said, Moshe and Maya, in that order.' Elementary my dear Axe Axe fell on her knees and kissed me hand. 'How did you know that Gloria? You are amazing. You appear to have the divine inspiration.' 'Elementary my dear Axe. Said has a wet Syrian passport in his pocket. Moshe is arguing with himself. Maya is happy and smiling although she is looking for a job'. As far as their names are concerned, I guessed.

Extreme political views at the work place-a practical guide for the HR lady

Trump needs a lobotomy

Diversity Chief Hugh White, the Caucasian  straight lad who runs Diversity, sent me a Whatsapp asking me what our policy is vis a vis (French) hiring staff (humans and bots) who are affiliated with Nazi neo Fascists. "I know this question is controversial, but the rank and file are in an uproar", claimed Hugh.

Of all the stupid questions I have been asked, this is not one of the more stupid ones. After re-reading a Sherlock Holmes story, remembering the use of induction, logic and having a posh English accent, I followed the following my logic and feline instinct. Voila-my thoughts.

• My Dad fought the Nazis and always told me they were an 'inhuman, evil lot, with a filthy ideology rotten to the core; they also reduced their own country to a pile of rubble in the end'.
• I had a Jewish girlfriend in high school, Sharon Bernstein, and we were closer that I was with my bitchy sister Claire.
• Stan, my boss and CEO who never speaks of politics, told me that Trump "needs to get his head examined; he needs a fucking lobotomy".
• And finally, out chief nerd Comrade Carl Marks, has a huge sign over his desk which reads 'Nazism sleeps poorly". Next to that sign is a picture of Marshall Zuhov, who I understand, was an American general who was very dominant in the fall of Nazism.

On the other hand, I do believe in training my staff to use their limited intelligence. So I send Hugh White a Whatsapp imploring him to 'use his common sense, whilst being sensitive to the winds of change." Whatsapp is the only way to convey important information.

I know what will guide Hugh's reasoning. He knows that we are a very tolerant organization. Only the HR team and CEO Stan speak English well. Our CFO is German; Herr Krebbs does speak English but he has a very zrtrrrong accent. And we have 343 illegal immigrants who work in our parking lot and cafeteria. No one in Engineering is too white and we have 582 mother tongues registered for out 400 nerds. 

Hugh just called me and asked if we

winds of change

can hire an anti-Fascist. 'Hugh' I told him grimly, 'you will never be the EVP of HR'!