My 5 2017 New Years Resolutions

1 Make HR great again.

2 Make our dithering workforce as diligent as a German and as happy as a Dane.

3 Increased use of data analytics to enhance my point of view.

4 To avoid thriving in the gig economy.

5 Lessen my agile use of sustainable slogans, yet remain relevant as HR business partner.

I am a dignified lady of my word. Check me out in a years' time. I will periodically (daily)  update on my agile progress. Happy and Sustainable New Year.

Focus talent management efforts on the client

Focus talent management on clients

Dear readers all over the world, from happy Denmark to far off and remote NZ, 

Our chief nerd Comrade Carl Marks ignored his doctors orders by taking his Cipralex and Seroquel anti depressants with brandy.

As a result of this combo, the Comrade's idea may have become more agile, but they are less sustainable.

I  received this email (below) from Comrade Carl whilst I am still on vacation up in Canada chez Mum.

Judge for yourself how drinking interacts with anti-depressants.

Gloria

Dear Gloria, 

S novym godom! S novym schastyem! That means happy new years in Russian.

I hope your mother is not driving you out of your mind during vacation. I love you Gloria but you live on the brink of insanity.

If you ask me, talent management efforts invested on our nerds are a waste of  resources, kibinimat. Our nerds are fucking brilliant and our products are a pearl.

Our clients, however, lack sophistication as well as being unappreciative.  I hate our clients like most of our nerds hate HR.

I am against all HR budgets, but since you get a fat talent management budget anyway, may I suggest that this  budget be invested externally to improve our clients' savvy and love of risk taking. I know you like the savvy word because it is so French.

I have sent an email to CEO Stan telling him that you are already approved this idea. Spasiba (merci)  for your cooperation, Canadian Girl.

Love and kisses,

Comrade Carl 

it is no secret that CEO's are managed by the incompetence of their followers

Discretion is the mother of virtue

CEO Stan's wife, aka Wifey, stayed up late last night reading a cunning management article. Instead of making Stan breakfast this morning, she left him a note as she had read and reread the article until 3 am. As a result of the aforementioned note, Stan called me into his office at 9 am.

"Gloria, it is no secret that CEO's are managed by the incompetence of their followers. I am a classic example of this Greek tragedy. And I don't have one drop of Greek blood in my ancestry. Probably the most incompetent follower I have is Comrade Carl Marks, our chief nerd. Christ Gloria, he is useless as tits on a bull. Have you seen how many pills he pops? Have you any idea how dysfunctional our products are?!"

Stan continued, "I want you to hire a Chief Technology Officer, who will work in parallel and synergize with Comrade Carl. Over a period of time, I will marginalize the Comrade and the CTO will take over, seamlessly. Gloria, the entire hiring process and the eventual outcome must be kept top secret. Comrade Carl is not to know anything about this plan. Gloria, I will deport you back to Canada if this all leaks out, and you will freeze your ass off in the long cold winters up there".

(Dad told me that no one is worse at keeping secrets than the British intelligence).

Stan and I shook hands and I walked back to my room. Sitting in my chair was none other than Comrade Carl Marks. Carl was listening to Russian music and smoking a joint.

The comrade look at me with seething anger in his eyes. "Gloria, Stan just sent me a text that you are conspiring to replace me. Kibinimat, what type of suka are you?

Carl appeared disappointed