Comrade Carl Marks, our chief nerd, came into my office smoking a Cuban cigar, in line with his core values of ignoring HR procedures. Unfortunately, I was lying on my back resting my lumbar area as I do every 4 hours and I felt quite embarrassed. Comrade Carl , always a humanist, told me not to feel inconvenienced as he sat on the floor next to me. He reeked of brandy, and I saw a pack of Cipralex (ten mg) in his pocket.
"Gloria, I have introduced a multi four-dimensional matrix into my big data and IoT departments. Each nerd now reports into 3 managers vertically, horizontally, diagonally. The fourth dimension is reporting into me, because in a mess like this, I can blame everyone and make all the decisions all by myself. Kibinimat, it works wonders. You should try it yourself. Even Herr Krebbs (the uber CFO) will implement the matrix, if he ever figures out what it is".
I slowly got to my feet and saw that I had 343 unread messages on my Whatsapp messenger, some of them work related. Carl snatched my phone and said, "Christ Gloria, listen to me; you are addicted to your phone. You need digital detox".
Instead of delivering a kick box to Comrade Carl, I told him what I think of the matrix.
1-The matrix structure needs to be supported with an agile mindset, which sounds so smart.
2-It is best that all people in matrix speak one language, and I not referring to Russian.
3-A leader who tinkers with a structure too often is wasting time and energy, from an HR perspective. (I had read about this in a blog.)
4-Soon, in the gig economy, everyone will report into himself, or herself, and organizational structures will be intra-psychic. This is one of smartest sentences I have ever written.
Comrade Carl took out a Cipralex and offered me one. "Gloria, you are the first lady of HR".
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