Monday, 6 April 2015

Risk Management Model for HR

Comrade Carl and risk mitigation
In our management meeting, Comrade Carl Marks, our chief nerd, presented the 3 major risks he is facing as well as his risk mitigation plan.
    Risk One-Our clients will remain unsophisticated and not appreciate our software.
    Risk Two-Due to lack of Chinese, Russian and Hindi language skills, our  sales team may not comprehend the product specs.
    Risk Three-Our nerds may write faulty software as they text their families, complaining that their passports have been confiscated by HR to ensure engagement.

Comrade Carl, after presenting these risks, said,"I also want to present the major risks facing HR. 
First, I plan to set up a union, kibinimat. The food is crap and our beloved nerds do not like travelling to clients by bus and sleeping 3 in a room. 
Another risk is that the IT and Legal functions have made HR into an empty shell. Youb tvoui mat, Gloria, what value does HR really provide? All this talk about data-driven, agile and business partnership is nonsense. HR is in bed with the oppressors".

Comrade Carl was staring at CEO Stan, who was texting his wife, who had just read a new article on risk mitigation.

When Carl finished his diatribe, CEO Stan stopped texting and said, "Carl and Gloria, text me your risk mitigation plan before you head home today. Make your that your risks don't hit the bottom line, or I"ll ship you to Russia Comrade Carl, and Gloria can return to the cold North."


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