Tuesday, 21 April 2015

Leadership, zenga zenga


Zenga zenga-kibinimat
When I studied HR at the Secretary's Academy in Montreal, I also took a 2 minute online course about change management. So I was almost fully prepared for what happened.

Last week, our chief nerd Comrade Carl Marks claimed that leadership was all about leading slowly from behind.  However today, Comrade Carl Marks announced that he would quickly debug all our software within a week, hands on, "zenga zenga".

The change occurred after the "Danish incident".

CEO Stan got a call from a Danish  client, who claimed that Comrade Carl's latest software release caused a 14 hour power outage all over Copenhagen. Carl's software release had 4,087,675 bugs, and the client demanded immediate action.  
Stan told Comrade Carl to "fix the god damn bugs or I shall deport you to Albania or South Africa, where YOU will live in darkness, you idiot. Now get the f—k out of my office and fix the bugs".

Immediately Comrade Carl urgently convened all his nerds and geeks (20% of whom speak English) for a "working lunch", to launch the zenga zenga quality software campaign.

Speaking with accent that vacillated between Russian and Egyptian, Comrade Carl started off introducing a musical video geared at increasing engagement, zenga zenga.  (I loved the music, in line with my core value of loving music).

After the engagement video, Comrade Carl gave what he called his zenga zenga pep talk in Russian, Hindi and some English, sprinkling Arabic words liberally throughout. 
The agitated nerds stopped texting and listened carefully, especially when the Comrade bellowed, "Pizdetz -eradicate all priority bugs, line by line, end to end, and zenga zenga".

(Hugh White from Diversity told me that  Comrade was inspired by a famous speech in which a great (yet dead) leader vowed to hunt down rabble rousers "inch by inch, house by house, home by home, alleyway by alleyway ( زنقة زنقة ), or zenga zenga).


After his speech, Comrade Carl came into my room holding a book on holacracy, smoking a joint and said- "Christ, Gloria, I should get the Academy Award for that. By the way, HR is useless but you are the greatest slogan master ever. Help me with this zenga zenga campaign. Stan has a hormonal disorder, kibinimat".

I promised Comrade Carl that bots,  big data and AI  (our banner slogans) will be replaced with zenga zenga within 48 hours. This is in line with my core value of slogan replacement. 

I wonder what that holacracy book is all about!


No comments:

Post a Comment