Monday, 1 December 2014

Toot toot tootsie goodbye

Toot toot tootsie, goodbye

My Dad, Pierre Elliot Ramsbottom may he rest in peace, loved Al Jolson's song "toot toot tootsie goodbye."  Why am I tell my normative nerdy readers this bizarre fact? Looky looky at this email which just popped into my inbox. Big data!

To CEO Stan

From Juliette Caesar, Head of Sales
CC: Comrade Carl Marks (R&D); Gloria Ramsbottom-Lemieux (HR)
BCC: all

Dear Stan,

Starting immediately, I announce my resignation as Head of Sales.
When I assumed this position, you told me that "product robustness" could be a challengeThe feedback that I have received from the market is that our so-called product is a bunch of random and unrelated features which do not bring value... nor do most of these features really exist, except in Comrade Carl Mark's rambling senseless power points.
Yesterday when I heard that Comrade Carl wants to "blend our product into the internet of things to minimize the need for feature stability", I realized that he is a crackpot. Why do you even tolerate his feigned Russian accent? Maybe you are the crackpot!
You were right about Gloria, however. She is very tactical and practical, she is responsive, she uses the term "business partnership" all the time. But Stan, she is brainless and constantly conniving.  
Where is the of HR value? In 3 months, I received 400 texts about non issues, like diversity, free webinars from cost effective vendors and a list as core values which update themselves weekly! I felt I was watching the Adams Family when I read her text messages.
I appreciate your gr8 support, I loved the team, and I wish you all a happy holiday season. 
It was an absolute pleasure working for you. I'm out. 
Juliette Caesar

Readers, I must say that I am now ambivalent to Ms Caesar's departure. On one hand she sold nothing. On the other hand, she sold nothing.


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