Thursday, 4 September 2014

2016 strategy must be based on bigdata

                                                                                                     Leading the way!

Today's 2016 strategic session was semi wow, and if I am frank as well as earnest, it was non wow.

CEO Stan had always shunned from strategy, like the US president. This is where the similarity ends, claims Diversity Chief Hugh White, who pointed out to me that Stan is white as a lily and not a good public speaker.

But Wifey had attended a lecture for the wives of CEO's and the lecturer, who loves to send 10000 motivational tweets a day, claimed that "one of the key roles of a CEO's wife is to ensure that hubby stays focused on his strategy". Thus, Stan is focusing on strategy.

By the way, none of the men I ever dated cared too much about strategic issues. They always appear focused on "something" else. (Dad warned me about that).

Stan asked all of us to present our strategies.

Comrade Carl Marks from R&D has strategic plans for new and esoteric features which are "cloud based" and "leverage big data". Stan countered, "Comrade Carl how about a strategy to get your fucking product to work"?

VP of Sales, said her strategy was to find new users "who have not heard about our product". Northern Syria, Iraq and tunnels under Gaza appear to be good markets. VP Sales said to Comrade Carl, "You better get that product working, Weirdo". 

Then it was my turn. My strategy includes cheaper labour costs, smashing potential union activity, ensuring that high performers do not get overpaid, improving my texting skills and upgrading my Honda Insight within one year to a Toyota Prius. Of course, I always focus, every single Thursday, on making us into a people company.

Stan said that big data, Comrade Carl's eccentricities, Sales' pessimism and my "excessive practicality" have driven him to take a key strategic decision:  "Gloria, we need a mission statement, and hire me a spokesman, for internal communications"



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