Knock the fear of God into the engineers' thick skulls

HR needs to knock some sense into their stupid heads

I got a text from CEO Stan whilst I reading a book on spying, even though HR should almost never spy on people.

Stan's text informed me that some of our engineers have been speaking directly with clients, misinforming them that our product is a hopeless "piece of crap".

My heavens! I once told my Dad, Pierre Elliot, that the summer day camp he sent me to was a "piece of crap", and he washed out my mouth with soap. That was in the days before women were free.

I texted Stan in return that these "developments" can be explained by R&D Chief Comrade Carl Marks's erratic personality and lack of leadership, augmented (nice word) by Comrade Carl's tendency to drink Vodka with his anti-depressants.

Stan asked for help (to tow the nerds into line) from his HR business partner (c'est moi);  I signaled my agreement, in line with my core values of obedience. C'est moi is French.

Stan  asked me by the way if the engineers could build tunnels  to escape from our company. I told Stan I would check on that, although I am not sure how this is done. Yet.

Stan asked me if I can "knock the fear of God into the engineers' thick skulls", and I told Stan that this falls into HR's key competencies.

Btw, there is no reason whatsoever that employees should bad mouth our company to our clients. 

I almost never bite the hand that feeds me, as it were.