Making me feel a million dollars
Today I feel very important, as I am "sought after". Two very important dignitaries dropped by to seek my business partnership.
We all like to feel important. Even I have that desire, at times. And to be frank and earnest, few of the men I have dated make me feel that way, especially after they get turned off by the fact that that I am so senior, and a thought leader in HR. Mais oui!
First, our new Sales VP, a certain Ms Juliette Caesar, meandered into my room today and suggested that we chat about the performance of Comrade Carl Marks, VP Emerging Technology.
Juliette told me that "Comrade Carl is a total weirdo; he rambles and is unfocused; the level of product maturity is lower than clarity of US foreign policy." (Ms Caesar reads the Economist.) Ms Caesar also told me that " Comrade Carl's preference to speak with a Russian accent is a serious psychiatric problem, as any HR "rep" would know".
Juliette asked me if she has my support to "push for Carl's re-positioning." I congratulated Juliette (Caesar) on her HR "newspeak" and reassured her of my support.
I forgot to share some big data with Juliette..... that Carl was appointed by the Chairman of the Board, who parents and Carl's parents both studied in Russia, when they were Communists.
My dad, Pierre Elliot, had a soft spot for communism. "You need to stick up for the working man, Gloria". That's
why I am in HR.
Then, R&D Chief Comrade Carl Marks, never a close ally of mine, also meandered into my room, smoking a joint and singing a Russian song. Carl rambled on, trying to read my text messages, since I was texting to my sister as he talked.
"That bitch Caesar can't sell a lemonade on a hot beach, kibinimat", Carl taunted. "My product is a pearl, and that ------ wants my demise for no good reason". (I cannot repeat the word he used, but it does have a T)
"Please back me Gloria, as I plan to push for Caesar's Waterloo." Waterloo, I reminded Comrade Carl, is in Canada, and my brothers Frank and Ernest both work there at Blackberry.