Sunday 17 August 2014

Ms Juliette Caesar hired as Sales VP

Not a French name

Ms Juliette Caesar was hired as VP Sales. Her top priority will be to capture 30% more market share a year, until she understands that VP R&D Comrade Carl Mark's products do not function well. At which time, Ms Caesar will battle Comrade Carl and devalue his sordid reputation by 30% a month.

This appointment  was announced today by our CEO Stan, who sent an email to "all", cosigning me without my previous knowledge. I was almost involved in the selection process, as it were.
However as Stan's business partner, I swallowed my pride to some extent, in line with my core value of self preservation.

Ms Caesar replaces our former head of Sales, who died after a 5 month stay in our firm. Most of the time, he was locked in the toilet and his cell phone battery had died.

Ms Caesar will report directly into Stan, and she and I will have a working relationship. No jealousy will be involved. 

Ms Caesar had a PhD in Big Data, and an MBA in Marketing. Ms Caesar has sold toasted ice in Saudi Arabia, a textbook on secular liberalism all over the middle east, and worked in the Defence Industry, selling weapons to 3rd world states, who paid their debt in coal.

Hugh White, the white heterosexual boy who heads Diversity, hinted to me that Ms Caesar is a divorcee, straight and has had some cosmetic surgery. Hugh defines this big data as "discrete" yet public knowledge. 

Comrade Carl Marks, VP R&D, sent his warm wishes to Ms Caesar in a text message. Comrade Carl is in the Ukraine, learning some Ukrainian grammar.

Let us bow our heads and pray for Ms Caesar. For those secular folks who read this blog, please defer and pray anyway.

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