What a bitch
To: Stan, CEO
CC: Gloria Ramsbottom-HR; Comrade Carl Marks-R&D
My dear Stanley,
My life coach has taught me that absolutely everything should be transparent! After a few days in the company, I want to share my insights about the firm in a spirit of openness.
I am of the impression that you provide stellar leadership to our team, and without you, we would be up shit's creek.
After having examined the product suite, I am having trouble understanding the motives-behaviour of a certain Comrade Carl Marks, who heads the Internet of Things/Big Data Division.
Perfecting Ukrainian grammar tops his priority list-and he speaks with a heavy Russian accent although he is American. These symptoms worry me, so to speak. However, he does appear rather dashing in his picture which I saw at the entrance to the Big Data department.
BTW, people in Internet of Things should speak some English.
Your HR gal Gloria is very tactical. She seems obsessed with sending text messages, even as we were having lunch. Her downsizing diva (Ms Axe-what a name)) dresses very seductively.
I am at a loss to why her Diversity Manager (Hugh White) is both white and heterosexual. Doesn`t this miss the point....so to speak.
Gloria's French accent is appalling....very rural.
I look forward to upgrading our product infrastructure so as to enable us to beat Sales expectations.
Head of Sales
Dashing and bizarre